Have you ever noticed how some people seem incapable of simply sitting down and relaxing? I'm one of them. At the end of a long day, when most people unwind with a movie or their favourite show, I find myself fidgeting, making mental lists, or feeling an overwhelming urge to be productive. I physically can’t relax, and I jam-pack my days and weeks full, making sure to write detailed daily worklists for myself to make sure I’m on track with my personal objectives. I have this overwhelming guilt when it comes to relaxing, and for years I chalked this up to my personality – just another quirk that made me, well, me.
It wasn't until a recent conversation with another ex-yachtie that I had my lightbulb moment. As we shared our experiences, I realised we had eerily similar difficulties with relaxation. We both started and finished our yachting careers at the same age, and we both carried this persistent guilt about "doing nothing." This conversation forced me to question: How much of this restlessness is truly my personality, and how much is a conditioned response from years in the yachting industry?
The yachting industry works on this unwritten rule that you must always be busy, you must never been seen to be standing around, and the harder you work, the better. Even during weeks/months of no guest action, you must maintain a fast pace and find anything and everything that you could detail during these guest off moments. There is a subtle hierarchy (particularly with the interior team) that your needs are below all else. The guests are obviously the highest priority- but also the rest of the crew. Should a dishwasher need emptying even if you’re not on watch, it’s up to you to do it. If another department needs a piece of uniform, extra bread or toiletries night or day, it’s up to the interior to make sure that this is done. I’m sure this is the case for other departments, for example, engineers are also constantly on, fixing problems outside of their working hours whenever an issue arises.
During COVID I remember working everyday, including weekends, updating onboard procedures and doing extra fine detailing in already detailed areas for months and months. Looking back, I question why we couldn't embrace the natural pause the pandemic provided.
As I discussed this topic recently, it really made me question the psychological effects of this ‘on the go’ lifestyle that’s been ingrained in us. There is a constant mental anticipation of potential problems, future worklists and plans. Working and living in the same environment can make you hyper-focused on the smallest of things. I remember walking through the crew mess and having the automatic reaction to writing down a list of jobs I’d noticed needed doing, or mid-workout brainstorming shipyard lists & charter plans. There is a huge inability to switch off, and a guilt associated with any downtime. I even viewed self-care as another task to be scheduled and completed.
The rotation lifestyle further reinforces this pattern, when onboard, you would work all sorts of hours, and as a head of department usually all weekend too. Then use this time off to frantically try to see everyone you could, and do all of the personal admin you needed to do before stepping back onboard. This cycle then continues, creating this perpetual state of motion.
Leaving the industry doesn't automatically reset these ingrained patterns. The transition to "normal" life presents unique challenges. It’s hard to grasp the slower pace of land-based life, and it’s totally normal to feel out of sync with the mindset that’s been drummed into you over the years. The first step here is awareness that this is something that can change. If you struggle to find value in downtime or battle with the guilt of not being constantly productive then you are not alone. You’re just missing the structure and clear purpose that yachting provides you with.
Nearly a year out of the industry, I'm still learning to relax. The first step was recognising these patterns for what they are – learned behaviours rather than inherent traits.
Now, I'm working on:
Acknowledging that rest is productive
Learning to enjoy moments of stillness
Redefining what makes a day "well-spent"
Creating boundaries between activity and relaxation
Understanding that constant motion isn't sustainable or necessary
For other ex-yachties struggling with similar challenges, know that you're not alone. This isn't a personality flaw – it's a natural response to years in an intense industry. The ability to relax isn't something we've lost; it's a skill we need to relearn, one quiet moment at a time.
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